I QUIT... : Venturing Into Full-Time Entrepreneurship
I quit my job.
I gave my notice and told my manager my last day would be June 28th.
It was not at all something I would do without having another job lined up.
It’s been scary, unnerving, confusing, exhilarating, full of happiness and joy.
Yeah, I felt all of these emotions. All at once.
I quit my job but I'm also quitting the traditional 9-5 that comes with working for an employer, quitting being an employee.
It’s not that I don’t like to follow rules or have a problem with authority. I’m a pretty good employee. I've always been a hard-worker, willing to go above and beyond at my past jobs. I'm taking what I learned as an employee to become a better business owner/entrepreneur and maybe someday, an employer.
In order to make this decision, that I would be willing to take this leap of faith, I had to believe and trust myself. You can say you trust yourself and it may sound easy to say it out loud, but then you sit with it and end up asking yourself,
"Do I really trust myself?"
For me, I had to work on my self-esteem BIG TIME. Growing up, I'd always been told I had "potential" and I knew I was talented, but found myself many times thinking how the hell could I have made certain decisions that I KNEW would land me in situations that went against my STANDARDS and VALUES. That inner saboteur is real, folks.
So this decision to quit was not at all easy, I like taking calculated risks which means I need to have a plan. I had a plan, but this time was different mostly because this is all new and I was being "pushed" internally to make a change and make a decision ASAP. My only choices were to stay where I am because I need the steady income or take a chance on myself and possibly live a life I could only dream of.
I chose the latter.
"Estrangement from the realm of the senses is a direct product of overindulgence, of acquiring too much."
-"All About Love" by bell hooks
I've been here before.
I've left jobs when I felt like my time was up.
My time had been up for over a year this time. I was stagnant due to not having the knowledge and experiences I thought I needed to have first along with a pre-determined amount of cashflow coming in. That's the practical approach, of course, but I have realized my life has in some ways pulled me away from being too practical, consciously and subconsciously.
Soon enough, the money wasn't even worth the draining feeling, the depletion of my excitable nature.
Still, I struggled with the decision, teeter-tottering with the whole "Should I stay or should I go?". Then, I started to get signs in forms of words of encouragement directly from others and indirectly in the form of quotes, numerical synchronicities, butterflies crossing my path, dragonflies chillin' overnight at my kitchen window.
It was time to let go and have faith so I could embrace the possibility of more. It felt right so, I acted on it and acted out, too lol...
If you follow me on Instagram, you might have caught my Story when I was pretty much DONE on May 16th.
You might not remember the date, but I do because on the day I planned to make the final decision on my last day, I didn't decide because I completely forgot the day had come. It hit me like a wave, knocking me on my ass and I couldn't figure out why until I saw the date.
God works in mysterious ways, for sure.
I got the message. And I decided, finally, to talk it out with seriousness and less hypothetically speaking.
The taste of freedom I had when I formed my business last year and started getting out there and networking with other designers in a similar season as me was what got me excited. Knowing I wasn't alone on this path kept me motivated. Still keeps me motivated as I learn something new every day about myself and about those on my path. The idealism of entrepreneurship has been shattered. I knew it was hard-work, I just thought it was non-stop hard-work and it didn't really occur to me that I will burn-out that way.
I had a glimpse last year but I have been determined to get to work to only be met by invisible resistance this time around. I realize the truth now and am thankful to any and all who have shared their truths with me over the months.
Now, I'm in a gray area, an in-between state, in between a breakthrough and finale. It might sound weird for me to say that, but I really feel this to be true. This year has been a very reflective one and I'm not the same person I was a year ago or even 6 months ago (shocking!).
That's the power of G R O W I N G.
In order for my business to grow and prosper, I needed and still need to grow myself, nurture myself. I wear many hats as it is. I have people who depend on me including myself. I'm growing into myself, into my role in society. I'm made for this, I just needed to get on board and put myself FIRST.
I am on-time. I just have to arrive.
I'll be honest, the first two real work days being self employed were hard on my psyche. I was ALREADY feeling the feels of guilt because I didn't have a guaranteed paycheck coming in. I had to sit with that because my family and I had this discussion prior to me deciding to quit. It was really hard for me to ask for help.
As an only child, I did a lot of things on my own including being my own therapist growing up (teen years) and making decisions for myself because I didn't know of anyone who was going through what I was going through.
Not always wise.
It has been a habit I had to break, but have allowed myself to be a little vulnerable and begin to let go of my ego.
The rest of this month is pretty much getting organized and settling into this new normal (mind, body, spirit).
August, I'll be ready to show up more. Especially 'cause Mercury is currently in retrograde and its not a great time to start anything new. I have plans in my head and on paper that I'm working to materialize.
Mercury Retrograde has been a great time for introspection and reviewing, re-commiting, revising and rejuvenation.
So, that's what I'm doing. Six more days left!
And its Summertime! Time outside with the Sun is optimal and I've been taking advantage.
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